Grey Matters Centre


As a baby if our caregiver is sensitive to us they will regulate our emotions for us. They might cuddle us if we are scared, spend time with us if we are lonely. They might name our emotions so we can recognise them and teach us what helps to soothe them. This will form pathways in our brain so we can learn to do this for ourselves as we grow.

Taking this onto adulthood we have the skills of dealing with our emotions ourselves. We can learn to recognise them, to name them and know where we feel them in our body. We can learn to safely deal with them and these pathways are now set in our brain.

If we don’t have a sensitive caregiver we don’t have someone teaching us how to manage our emotions, the emotions might be so overwhelming it may be easier to turn them off and to not have them anymore.

Perhaps as we reach adulthood we turn to other means to help us to manage them: alcohol, drugs, sex, food, self-harm etc.

Or maybe we have developed some coping strategies or defence mechanisms that might not be in our best interest, such as covering any emotions with anger.

What if we are taught in childhood that we must ignore our emotions and bury then deep? What if we are told they are wrong, we are wrong for expressing them and that they are shameful? And, what if not only our caregivers showed us this but the whole of society too?

Our most basic human needs are to belong and to be our true selves. The need to belong has to come first because we are born so helpless, without others we would die. So, to belong to our families and to society we adapt to their ways, which means we cannot be our true selves.

Our mind and body are inseparable and they are connected to the immune system. Our immune system protects us and if we don’t listen to our body and it’s messages, we can become unwell. This un-wellness will find its way out in some form.

Not being our true selves causes us to go against our own values and it also causes us to hide who we really are, even from ourselves. This can lead us to feeling: empty, disconnected from others, not knowing who we are, loneliness, worthlessness etc, as we act in the way we were taught to be rather than who we actually are.

Society expectations and gender role rules of being a man
These are some of the messages men receive in their childhood. These expectations around masculinity have dire consequences.

  • Be strong
  • Don’t cry
  • Don’t talk about your feelings
  • Ignore your feelings
  • Suffer in silence
  • Cover your emotions with anger
  • Deal with it yourself
  • Feelings are shameful
  • If you show your feelings you will not belong

At Grey Matters Centre we are qualified and experienced in working with men. We understand that there is a difference emotionally, physically and biologically from women and we cannot use a one-size-fits-all approach. We take gender into account and meet men where they are.

In therapy we work together as a team, we discover what is going on, we gain understanding and we get action-orientated and goal focused. We tap into masculine strengths, guiding men to help themselves with their own resources and powers, promoting well being and growth.

Many of our male clients want a safe space to talk in confidence. Perhaps it’s the first time someone has really listened and understood where they are coming from. Hearing your own words can make sense of thoughts, bring understanding and can be very powerful.

Hundreds of men are now accessing therapy due to the change in attitudes and the growing recognition that therapy doesn’t make you more emotional, it helps you to gain better control of your emotions and gives you the tools to help you in all areas of your life including developing your resilience and strengths.

We have to continue getting this message out there to inspire more and more men to seek help so our husbands, partners, fathers, grandfathers, brothers, sons, uncles and friends get the help they need and don’t feel like they have to deal alone. We all know the high risks of male suicides: 75% of suicides are men, men are 3 times more likely to die by suicide and it is the largest cause of death in under 50’s. Men are also 3 times more likely to use drugs and alcohol.
This has to change.

Our privilege
It is our mission and our privilege to support you on your journey to recovery and to reach your goals. We are confident that together we can make a difference to your world and help you to live your life the way you want to live it. Imagine what your life would be like after therapy and the difference it would make to you. 

We help hundreds of people every year to be the best they can be. Please don’t suffer unnecessarily any longer, get in touch with us today and take the first step to make great things happen!

Please contact us today to arrange an appointment.

Telephone: 07907613600

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